Better late than never

So it has been pointed out to me that I am severely lacking in my blogging. Uhm...perhaps :)

What do you mean you noticed I hadn't posted anything since Nov 29th??? (nervous giggle)

So to get this train back on track, over then next couple posts, I'll attempt to recap the past two months. Imagine this literary montage set to music with fade in and outs with lots of canned laughter. Action!

We'll kick this recap off with my 3hr $1200 stay in L&D (labor and delivery for you non-preggos) in early December. When what I thought was just really bad gas built up from my inability to fart, turned into severe cramping/nausea the husband panicked, called the doctor, rushed me to the hospital, only to find out waiting in the hospital is extremely boring. Especially after a diagnosed UTI and several good drugs knocked me out for 3hrs. Have no fear though, he kept himself busy wandering aimlessly the halls of L&D poking his head into other peoples occupied rooms only to respond, "Don't worry, I'm just picking out our room". To which he did of course and promptly wheeled me down the hall to present it as if it were an undiscovered treasure. Some days he's just too cute.

A week later it was the day of the BIG ultrasound. I really don't think the husband slept the night before. And despite the fact that my UTI was still giving me horrible nausea, we heard the doctor say:
"I think it's a boy..."
His eyes lit up, and he was almost giddy. I, on the other hand, was trying desperatly not to puke all over my doctor as she tried to get me to lay still and get a few good pictures. On the way home, I'm pretty sure he'd called everyone in the yellow pages to announce that it was a boy. He was one proud papa.

We were floating on cloud nine for about a week, when the rash started. It was red, bumpy, itchy and it was spreading. Yes, it could have had a debut in it's own horror film.

"Just when you thought it was safe to go without a shirt...."
"It's the RASH!!" (screaming pedestrians, run fleeing from my sight)

It just kept spreading. After several hours on Web-md and convincing myself of the fact that I was dying from something similar to west Nile virus, I called the doctor.

"Yes come in we'd better take a look at you."

Imagine my surprised to see the puzzled look on her face.

"I don't know what that is, better go see a dermatologist. "

Enter in doctor #2,

"Uhm, not quite sure, why don't you come back tomorrow, lets see if it spreads"

Thump, thump, thump. Hello in there, didn't you hear me, I already told you it's spreading. No use, so I reluctantly returned a second day in a row only to continue to puzzle her.

"I think it's shingles" she remarks with a hint of doubt in her voice.

Which led her to take a biopsy, stitch me up, tell me to stay away from old people, children who hadn't had chicken pox and pregnant women and sent me on my merry way. Uhm, ok...what about the fact that I'M PREGNANT?!? Hello???

"Oh you'll be just fine" she smiles and says.

So, two days before Christmas eve, and I'm quarantined. (sound of jail bars slamming shut) No Christmas ham and cookies for me.

So I resort to the only thing I can think of. I make my own Christmas cookies. I invite my BFF over on a Friday night and we keep ourselves up until 1am making 16 dozen evil Christmas cookies. I call them evil because at the time I did not know that they would bring about the demise of my modest weight gain.

"Damn you frosted snowman cutouts! Why must you taste so soft and creamy, why do you beckon me from the kitchen, taunt me with your sprinkles and your waving hand. As if almost to say, I love you, come eat me!"

And I realize the full weight of my actions at my January appointment. The nurse calmly guides me to step on the scale. I was prepared to have gained some weight. It was obvious to everyone around me, my belly was HUGE! But I wasn't prepared for the big fat number it put up on the digital screen. I nearly fell off the scale.

"Uhm, looks like we gained 7lbs." I rolled my eyes and dared her to laugh.

"Not what you wanted to see, huh?" Look lady does it look like I'm happy about 7 freaking pounds!! And of course my doctor had to pound the final nail in the coffin when she looked at my chart, looked at me and asked:

"Do you think this is right, seems a bit much. Oh well, I guess we did just come off the holidays"

Light bulb

"Ya those stupid Christmas cookies did me in" I joked back.

Stay tuned tomorrow to find out what else goes wrong in the second trimester